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Tim Vine Quotes

Topic - 10 Posts

Dive into 10 memorable quotes by Tim Vine on CardsLook, carefully curated to highlight their unique voice and profound insights. Perfect for fans and anyone seeking inspiration from Tim Vine's words.

Quotes

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So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

- Tim Vine

Published on: January 20, 2025 07:53 AM

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Velcro: what a rip-off.

- Tim Vine

Published on: January 18, 2025 10:12 AM

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People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.

- Tim Vine

Quotes People Quotes Effort Quotes Childhood Quotes Funny Quotes Silly Quotes Swearing Quotes

Published on: January 7, 2025 08:31 AM

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So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

- Tim Vine

Published on: December 17, 2024 03:15 AM

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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

- Tim Vine

Quotes Home Quotes Voice Quotes

Published on: December 7, 2024 09:53 AM

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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

- Tim Vine

Quotes World Quotes Car Quotes

Published on: December 1, 2024 07:39 PM

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

- Tim Vine

Published on: November 20, 2024 10:12 AM

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You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

- Tim Vine

Quotes Night Quotes Fact Quotes Hunting Quotes

Published on: November 8, 2024 12:12 AM

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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

- Tim Vine

Quotes Today Quotes Driving Quotes

Published on: September 26, 2024 02:48 AM

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Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

- Tim Vine

Quotes Beauty Quotes

Published on: September 14, 2024 04:10 PM